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Showing posts from 2020

Being White

  When Bob and I were considering adoption, there were pages upon pages to be completed.   It was arduous, but appropriate considering the weight of the decision we were making. There was a form that talked about race and we had to check off the box for the races we would consider.   We checked them all. We did talk about it.   We knew that raising minority children could be hard and we had long discussions with our social worker about what that would mean, and what it would look like.   We also were clear that if a child wanted to be adopted by a person that looked like him or her, that we would never want to stand in their way.   The child’s comfort was the more critical thing. This was about seven years ago.   The world looked very different then. I was naïve, thinking that I could reconcile any differences with love and care.   When we learned of Isaiah and Ciera through an email, I’ve talked about in past blogs that Bob responded that...

Behind the Mask

When the cornoavirus first took hold this spring, my mom purchased masks for us.  I was skeptical of their use, and someplace inside I felt resistant.   I couldn't put my finger on why, but seeing masks on the children felt so odd.   When we learned the rationale for why we should have masks and the need to wear them, we did, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it felt uncomfortable.  I'm not sure why, but one morning, while eating breakfast at the counter with the family, it hit me in the gut why I hated the look of the masks on the children. When I was in grade school, I was a very sick little girl.  I was on tons of medication and spent much time, including birthdays and holidays, in the hospital.  Not a great time, and now that I am grown I have only admiration for how my parents navigated that time and cared for my brother and me.  This went on for many years. As a child,  I often found myself in operating rooms.  My parents ...

Limit

We are all hitting our limit. And why not?  We have been scared and worried since at least mid March.  We are uncertain what the right choices are.  We are tired.  Very tired. Some of us are worried about family, near and far, young and old.  Some of us are concerned for the friend who is ill, the neighbor who can’t get out any more, kids that are no longer in school and having a very strange summer. My house is no different.  We are blessed that we are healthy, we are employed and we can feed our kids.  I know so many people that can’t say that-who could say that just days ago.  It feels like at any moment the rug that is just barely under us is going to shift and then everything will fall.  It’s just inches away. And while my family does love each other, the stress of the situation is showing through arguments, tears, long walks with Hattie, and exhaustion.  Sometimes the house feels charged with this odd energy that isn’t rig...

Rock it

Hi friends. How do you greet those you yearn to hug but can't?  Consider this a virtual hug because that is on my heart. I hope your home is safe and warm and has food.  I hope you are feeling cared for. I miss my friends, so I have invited Marty and Wendy from Ozark for dinner.  And, if we are being honest, I am a little bit scared.  I mean, I just want to hang, not join their business.  But will they like my clean chicken curry? In other news, the kids are good.  Ciera is missing desperately her friends.  She told me lives to hug her friends.  Who can blame her?  She's 11, extroverted, and misses her friends.  Isaiah has been in Adidas clothes for 30 days,  talks to his bestie on occasion and hang with his dog.  Appears he has showered periodically. During the day,  I work from my home office.  Bob manages the kids as best he can in between his business and the fire dept.  I check on the kids every few hou...

Pass me a Corona

Well.  Not sure how to even start this one. None of us even expected something close to what we are living these days.  I feel like I am an extra in a science fiction movie.  But I can't get out, there is no craft services, and there are children.  And I am quite certain I am not being paid for it. I have cried at some point each day over the past few days.  Some times it is because I am so frustrated and sad.  I selfishly miss friends, events, even my office.  I am sad because the kids lives have changed so dramatically so quickly.  I am sad that their learning is happening on a screen.  I am sad that Ciera won't really even have her last day at the school she has loved for 6 years.  I am sad that we'll be canceling our trip overseas this summer.  I am frustrated that the printer malfunctions.  I cry when I can't find my phone because I am so tired.  Which is crazy because I am not leaving the neighborhood most days....