Pass me a Corona

Well.  Not sure how to even start this one.
None of us even expected something close to what we are living these days.  I feel like I am an extra in a science fiction movie.  But I can't get out, there is no craft services, and there are children.  And I am quite certain I am not being paid for it.
I have cried at some point each day over the past few days.  Some times it is because I am so frustrated and sad.  I selfishly miss friends, events, even my office.  I am sad because the kids lives have changed so dramatically so quickly.  I am sad that their learning is happening on a screen.  I am sad that Ciera won't really even have her last day at the school she has loved for 6 years.  I am sad that we'll be canceling our trip overseas this summer.  I am frustrated that the printer malfunctions.  I cry when I can't find my phone because I am so tired.  Which is crazy because I am not leaving the neighborhood most days.  I am sad that I can't hug my mom, who so deserves one. I am frustrated because I don't know when this will end but I know not soon enough.  I miss church.  I miss my church group on Sunday nights and our meals and kids yelling and being a family with them.

I am scared too.  Bob is a first responder.  I know what comes with that and have for 10 years but I am scared he will get sick.  And then maybe we will.   I am scared for the people I love, especially those who are older.  I am scared that eventually leaving the house at all might not be an option.  I am scared that we'll get so frustrated with each other in the house that this will become really unbearable.  I fear that the activities I am giving the kids are fun but not what they are supposed to be learning. 
I am so aware that these are first world problems.  I live in a lovely home.  There are sidewalks to walk Hattie.  I have a new bike I am riding every day.  I have a freezer of food.  We are healthy and we don't need really anything which is so FAR from so many.  So in my mind, I know I should suck it up.  And I promise I am trying.  I just get to the end of the workday-and then I need to focus on the kids for a few hours and then I can't even read because it is yet another screen and something else I have to do.  I am so eager to sleep.  Bob did a 24 the other day and I was so tired.  It was crazy-he does those all the time and I handle it ok.  
I live to travel and see places I love, so this situation has broken my heart in a new way.  I am telling the children about Paris and National Parks, wondering when those will be possible again.  I love weekends quietly camping and have found myself going through the reservations made a year ago and considering when they need to be canceled.

Yesterday our pastor did a Facebook Live and mentioned that the Bible says "Fear not" over 80 times.  80 times.   

I keep thinking what is God trying to teach all of us-and me-through this?  I can hear him saying 'rest' but I can't find the hours to do that.  I feel him saying that I need to focus on the kids, but I know I am doing that incorrectly and spread thin.  Even when I can't leave the house.  I am supposed to be a better wife for sure, but I am making Bob nuts.  Surely there is a message God is trying to teach me.  I just keep looking for the ways I am supposed to change and focus.  It just feels big.  

So I am trying with small. 

Today is going to be "Fun Friday" per Ciera's suggestion.  We are wearing hats to breakfast. 
We might order out dinner and make the kids mocktails.
Tomorrow is the Science Fair in the kitchen.  
 I hope to have a walk with Bob this weekend.  Kind of like a date.
I'll take mom for a golf cart ride. 
I'll sit on the porch. 

Wishing you a peaceful and healthy weekend.  Much Love


Comments

  1. Angela SinnettMarch 20, 2020 at 6:45 PM

    We're all doing the best we can. You summed it up pretty well. Thank you for always being so beautiful with your words. Love you and miss you too, my friend!

    ReplyDelete

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