Being Bob's Wife

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Dysfunctional Rescuing

Early in my career, as I began managing people, I discovered that my desire for perfection was cascading to those on my team.  As a new manager, I was so desiring them to succeed (and let's be honest-me too) that I felt really uncomfortable letting them present to others or submit documents, without adding my commentary-usually which was not necessary at all.  In fact, all it did was dilute the impact of my teammate, make him or her feel like they had probably not done a good job, and reduce their interest to take the lead another time. I wasn't really aware of it at the time.  I spent the first year managing a team feeling really nervous.  I felt like I was 'fooling' everyone, like I didn't deserve the responsibility, even though I had worked for years to earn it.  Looking back, what I was doing was inappropriately allowing feelings of anxiety to exhibit-and at the expense of those whom I needed to trust-and trust me. I was leaving a large meeting one day, an...
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Memory Mayhem

For Christmas the kids received a trip to Florida from us and my mother.  The trip included two days at Universal so the kids could fulfill their dream to actually become wizards at Universal Studios-and then two days at Disney.  When the kids received T-shirts with accompanying reservation documents, they were baffled and it required enough explanation that Bob assured them that no one was recruiting them for the FBI. We packed the car Christmas night.  It was all set. The next morning, we got in the car.  It wouldn’t start.  At all.  We charged the battery for a while.  Nope.  It won’t start. No problem.  Let’s move everything to the truck.  Because driving the new F150 is what I wanted to do. But the trunk won’t open because the battery is dead.  It was really fun moving all the luggage out of the back of the Highlander through the back seat, out of the car, and into the bed of the truck.  That was a unique way to s...
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Being White

  When Bob and I were considering adoption, there were pages upon pages to be completed.   It was arduous, but appropriate considering the weight of the decision we were making. There was a form that talked about race and we had to check off the box for the races we would consider.   We checked them all. We did talk about it.   We knew that raising minority children could be hard and we had long discussions with our social worker about what that would mean, and what it would look like.   We also were clear that if a child wanted to be adopted by a person that looked like him or her, that we would never want to stand in their way.   The child’s comfort was the more critical thing. This was about seven years ago.   The world looked very different then. I was naïve, thinking that I could reconcile any differences with love and care.   When we learned of Isaiah and Ciera through an email, I’ve talked about in past blogs that Bob responded that...
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