Her

This holiday season, there is a person who's not in my house and not at my table, but a very present being.  She's a person we don't know well but she's been integral in the creation of our family.  She's Isaiah and Ciera's birth mom.
We have spent more time lately than typical speaking and praying for her.  Beginning with Thanksgiving, I could tell the kids were experiencing a more complicated emotion and loss.  They met me at the door on Thanksgiving to share that they missed her and were sad she couldn't be part of our holiday.  There have been some tears, some expressions through writing, and lots of tough conversations.  While Isaiah and Ciera recall their birth mom, their memories are cloudy-but they are devoted, loving and thoughtful where she is concerned.
I've thought about her most days in the past few months.  The children have made such strides and our bond as a family has grown.  This Christmas is light years better than last year, because we all feel more secure, safe and confident as a family.  We can laugh more easily, know how to love on each other in the right way, and meet each other's needs.  I think about Isaiah and Ciera's birth mom because the opposite is happening to her.  She's missing all of this.  She's missing the class parties, singing while breakfast is being made, new dresses, ties, and learning to wrap presents.  She's missing reading the wonderful story books and the Elf on the Shelf.
Because of this, I am working so hard to not be jealous, not to feel territorial, and realize that my sweet little kids have room in their hearts for everyone. That's not easy, but I am getting all the good stuff.  I am getting to be a mom who sees the good and the bad, but I see it every day.  I have it easier.
In early November, I passed a letter via our social worker to her.  I never know if she receives things, but I felt so led to send her an update on how wonderfully the children are doing and I included a few pictures of the kids from the summer vacation. I was careful to ensure that the tone of the letter was caring, thoughtful, and expressed that we are often thinking of her.   If she received the envelope, I cannot even begin to imagine how she feels.  I have to think part of her is happy to know they are healthy and happy, but part of her has to be so sad and angry.   Who could blame her?
So, this holiday, while I know my kids are happy to get gifts, anticipate Santa and celebrate Jesus' birth, I am prepared better to recognize that there is a little piece of their heart missing.  And I know that Christmas must be a horrible day for her. While I will be joyful,  I will ensure that I recognize the loss that she's experiencing and the hole that exists for Isaiah and Ciera.  And while she's not physically present, she's important, and she's provided the children that have made my everyday whole.

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 21, 2015 at 6:11 AM

    The most beautiful expression of how adopted children never forget, but how their hearts can grow to love all. Love to you all!

    ReplyDelete

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