Brave New World
Right off, let me say being off from work this summer is a huge blessing. I work for a great company, on a great team, that recognizes work life balance, appreciates life changes, and allows people to grow in all aspects of their life. My kids are completely benefiting from my focus on them. We are getting closer as a family, and our life has a calmness that we truly needed. However....
I'm about 3 weeks into my leave of absence. I can't help but feel like I am supposed to be someplace, or that I am missing a meeting or a phone call. I've worked in one job or another since high school, and full time since the minute I graduated from college, so not having someplace to report to or typical deadlines is really strange. I've discovered how a day can go by really quickly, and sometimes it feels like I have little to show for it. I'm seeking to find satisfaction in new things, like helping the kids read a book, do an entry in the journals I bought them, or teaching them to make a meal-and be proud of something they've created. It's very different though, and while I am really excited some days-like when Isaiah picked up and read a chapter book the other day-other days I feel lost....What is hard too, is that I know once I navigate and gain comfort in this this new world, it will quickly be time to re-enter my "real" world. I'm in this weird space-on leave, with older children. I don't entirely fit with the stay at home moms, my working mom friends are working, most people on leave have babies and my kids are school age.....so I can feel like an alien at camp drop off and at the pool. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy this time-and don't get me wrong-there are aspects to this that I am enjoying....I am at the gym a lot, I have time to cook healthy, interesting meals, I am writing again. I am reading with my kids every day. I am doing crafts and cooking with them. We are outside all the time. I have time to do the tasks that I typically have to zip through with more dedication. This piece of me, though, feels like something is missing-and then I feel bad that I feel that way. I am reading ADWEEK daily-seeking to stay current in what's going on in the advertising world that I have learned is more a part of me than I ever knew. I savor conversations and the occasional email from a colleague.
I've had a few really great conversations with friends over the past few weeks that have been totally authentic about this 'middle place' in which I am in. I've learned that whoever you are, wherever you sit in life-it's all hard. If you work outside the home and have kids, you spend time trying to be two people at once, and make everyone happy. If you work in the home and have kids, that's hard work as well. You are serving and supporting others all day. I harken back to just a few months ago when I didn't have kids....and still loved my work, but had other interests to balance as well.....and there were times where there was not enough of me to go around. I am working to remember that new challenges and difficulties allow us to adapt and grow-and ultimately become better people. But what I have gained in the past few weeks is a respect for all women. Whatever your situation, your choice, your family, your life, whatever life requires of you, I bet you are doing the best you can. I may not live your life, but I respect it. The women I know are all tough.. They are solid, kind, and when we are all honest with each other, we discover we all have moments of profound struggle. The women I know are wise. They want to give of themselves, and have a just piece left over for themselves at the end of the day. So as I move in and out of the strange new world I temporarily find myself, I am reminding myself to continue to be thankful for the chance to be in the weird space. Even when it is totally uncomfortable because it's my hope that I come out of this with a perspective I was lacking. Because I know we all find ourselves here at one time or another.
I'm about 3 weeks into my leave of absence. I can't help but feel like I am supposed to be someplace, or that I am missing a meeting or a phone call. I've worked in one job or another since high school, and full time since the minute I graduated from college, so not having someplace to report to or typical deadlines is really strange. I've discovered how a day can go by really quickly, and sometimes it feels like I have little to show for it. I'm seeking to find satisfaction in new things, like helping the kids read a book, do an entry in the journals I bought them, or teaching them to make a meal-and be proud of something they've created. It's very different though, and while I am really excited some days-like when Isaiah picked up and read a chapter book the other day-other days I feel lost....What is hard too, is that I know once I navigate and gain comfort in this this new world, it will quickly be time to re-enter my "real" world. I'm in this weird space-on leave, with older children. I don't entirely fit with the stay at home moms, my working mom friends are working, most people on leave have babies and my kids are school age.....so I can feel like an alien at camp drop off and at the pool. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy this time-and don't get me wrong-there are aspects to this that I am enjoying....I am at the gym a lot, I have time to cook healthy, interesting meals, I am writing again. I am reading with my kids every day. I am doing crafts and cooking with them. We are outside all the time. I have time to do the tasks that I typically have to zip through with more dedication. This piece of me, though, feels like something is missing-and then I feel bad that I feel that way. I am reading ADWEEK daily-seeking to stay current in what's going on in the advertising world that I have learned is more a part of me than I ever knew. I savor conversations and the occasional email from a colleague.
I've had a few really great conversations with friends over the past few weeks that have been totally authentic about this 'middle place' in which I am in. I've learned that whoever you are, wherever you sit in life-it's all hard. If you work outside the home and have kids, you spend time trying to be two people at once, and make everyone happy. If you work in the home and have kids, that's hard work as well. You are serving and supporting others all day. I harken back to just a few months ago when I didn't have kids....and still loved my work, but had other interests to balance as well.....and there were times where there was not enough of me to go around. I am working to remember that new challenges and difficulties allow us to adapt and grow-and ultimately become better people. But what I have gained in the past few weeks is a respect for all women. Whatever your situation, your choice, your family, your life, whatever life requires of you, I bet you are doing the best you can. I may not live your life, but I respect it. The women I know are all tough.. They are solid, kind, and when we are all honest with each other, we discover we all have moments of profound struggle. The women I know are wise. They want to give of themselves, and have a just piece left over for themselves at the end of the day. So as I move in and out of the strange new world I temporarily find myself, I am reminding myself to continue to be thankful for the chance to be in the weird space. Even when it is totally uncomfortable because it's my hope that I come out of this with a perspective I was lacking. Because I know we all find ourselves here at one time or another.
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