I give up

While we were on vacation last week, my right elbow swelled to 4x normal size in the course of hours, was horribly painful, hot, and sensitive to the lightest touch.  During the night, I had to drag my happy self to the pharmacy to get Tylenol, etc, but by 7am the next morning, after no sleep, Bob took me to urgent care, Hilton Head Island style.  Diagnosis-Bursitis of the elbow.  Effectively, overuse has inflamed the sac around the joint. Not hugely serious, but very painful.   6 days of anti inflammatories, pain meds, etc.  So now I find myself 8 days in, and any activity still makes this sucker swell up. 

I had planned that the final 3 weeks of my leave, while the kids were at school, would be dedicated to home projects, cooking, and reorganizing the attic.  I am beyond frustrated, annoyed, and often in pain.  Working to rest this is a job on its own. 
Still seeking to be 'at home mom' extradionarre- I defrosted my amazing, homemade chicken noodle soup for dinner last night in the hopes that I wouldn't have to use my arm but still be 'good mom'.  Suddenly-Isaiah does not care for chicken soup.  Ciera is now ambivalent. I have declared the subsequent night-Scavenger night.  Eat what you want within reason.  All fruit?  All carbs?  Fine.  Clean up.  I have no energy to try to serve you.  I GIVE UP.

I find it so uncomfortable to tell the kids-and Bob-"No, I just can't do that for you".  Like I am getting a horrible mark on my ability to be a whole person.  I know that the Bible tells us to have servant hearts, but it has occurred to me lately that if I don't say no-I'll just keep filling the needs that I see, especially at home (at work, this equation is different:)).  And in this case, I won't improve my health situation.  And I know that I am no walk in the park and not always easy to live with.....but what if I disappeared for a few days.....what would happen?  Would anyone notice that the food they are eating is unhealthy? That the budget is overspent because doing things the easy way is expensive?  That the dogs have not been out?  Would anyone have a packed lunch?  Would the house be ok?  Would a vacation condo be rented?    I honestly wonder....are the things I am doing really valuable, or would everyone be ok if they stopped happening?  If someone can help me figure out how to pilot this without upsetting the family dynamic or creating marital discord, let me know.  I'll be on the couch.  With my painkillers:).

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