The Unexpected Housewife

Last weekend was Isaiah's birthday.  It's a right of passage at his school to spray paint the rock on the front lawn of the school however you want, and highlight your birthday.  Being type A, I signed he (and Ciera) up before school began.  On Isaiah's birthday eve, we packed in the car to defame the rock. On the way there, Ciera alerted us "I've been thinking that I I'll get married in a field".....great news.  Bob advised she need not worry about that for a long time, and in fact, considering living with Isaiah when you are grown because you love to tell him what to do....to which Isaiah adamantly exclaimed "No way, Jose!".  Can't blame him.  Girlfriend never stops talking and shares it all. After stepping back from the painted rock, I was quite concerned.  Bob asked me what I thought....The copy read "Isaiah is 8", a very reasonable sentence for the rock.  However, the "8" seemed wrong, in fact, it vaguely resembled

I've been asked how we 'found' Isaiah and Ciera, so I thought I'd put some thoughts down for those who are interested.  Adopting older children is kind of different and less common.  Sadly, this is likely why there are so many children in the system, and aging out of the system.  It is so tragic that, by no fault of their own, kids are removed from their birth families, rehomed with foster families, and often have to go on to make a new life for themselves.    Though were were naive, we knew, going into this, that adopting older children came with its own set of challenges.  We also knew that many of these children don't get adopted because of the stigma associated, that they are 'damaged'.  Bob had a true heart for adopting older children, and felt convicted that this was the way God wanted us to build our family.  I was certainly nervous, but I trusted his gut. We set out to try to find out how to do this-no simple task. When Bob and I decided we wer

I'm doing this parenting class and it's rocking. I like order.  No doubt about it, these kids are funny but it is a good thing-because they are MESSY.  They are forgetful.  They are loud.  They are my mountain. However, Love and Logic is cracking me up.  I am literally laughing as I discipline them because they have NO CLUE what the hell is going on.  They just shut up because they are left speechless.  And that, my friends, is awesome. For some reason, the kids thought playing Marco Polo (yes, the pool game) in the backseat as we are driving home the other night is cool.  The ridiculousness of this did not escape me.  You know where the other kid is-because you are buckled into your seats....how this is even a game is beyond me. Nevertheless, the escalating noise finally got to me, and I politely asked them to stop the (stupid) game.   This lasted about 30 seconds until it resumed.  I let it go, but when I pulled into the garage, I (theatrically) told them I had an energ

Once I received the children's adoption decrees in late June, my next step was to gain updated Social Security cards for both children that would now reflect their new last name.  As you can imagine, it's important for us on many levels to have all legal documents correctly updated.  It's critical because without cards that are updated to reflect our family name, we would not be able to claim the children as dependents on our taxes....and all the implications therein. So, at this point, all I had were adoption decrees, with a seal, that said the children were ours and they had a new last name.  However, I had been advised by several experts that Social Security offices vary on their willingness to provide new SS cards with only decrees, as most prefer birth certificates.  To make things more complicated,  I stilll don't have new birth certificates from the state of NC with the kids new names on them-and I won't for months.  Vital Records takes months upon mont

As I return to work next week, I am flooded with thoughts about this summer, energy to dive back in to my role, and conversations with the children to prepare them for yet another shift in their routine. This summer was a gift.  I wish all parents could have the opportunity to spend a summer with their kids-adopted or not-and embrace the time.  We had a blast. I had the kids develop their own Top 10 list of Summer 2015 and I was thrilled to see the items they noted-from trips to the beach, time with their cousins and grandparents, time at the pool and camps.  I did the same and shared my lists with them.  I was thrilled this summer to really get to know Isaiah and Ciera.  I loved taking them to lunch, museums, staying in hotels on our own, and reading on the couch with them.  I am walking away from this time feeling like my kids are really mine, and we are able to communicate better, appreciate each others likes and dislikes, and frankly, that I am really a mom.  While being a parent

My dog, Ben, is a punchline throughout my family.  My adoration for him has no bounds, my forgiveness everlasting, and it's the most ridiculous love affair of my life.  I will never claim him to be well behaved; however, it's a friendship that has shown me unconditional love. Ben is eleven.  I adopted Ben when he was a few months old, from a shelter.  He was the first dog I ever had-after many years of wanting one.  He was fuzzy, ill, and cost me a fortune to better.  Through the years, he has demonstrated his devotion, while finicky, and has been my faithful companion.  He's joined many a conference call with his shrill bark, scared away a delivery guy or two (while only 12 pounds himself) and managed to eat most of the things he should never touch. Earlier this week, Ben and I took a run.  We do this from time to time, and it never ceases to amaze me that Ben, in his senior age, can not only keep up with me, but is typically up ahead of me-something like an encourager. 

Early in my career, as I began managing people, I discovered that my desire for perfection was cascading to those on my team.  As a new manager, I was so desiring them to succeed (and let's be honest-me too) that I felt really uncomfortable letting them present to others or submit documents, without adding my commentary-usually which was not necessary at all.  In fact, all it did was dilute the impact of my teammate, make him or her feel like they had probably not done a good job, and reduce their interest to take the lead another time. I wasn't really aware of it at the time.  I spent the first year managing a team feeling really nervous.  I felt like I was 'fooling' everyone, like I didn't deserve the responsibility, even though I had worked for years to earn it.  Looking back, what I was doing was inappropriately allowing feelings of anxiety to exhibit-and at the expense of those whom I needed to trust-and trust me. I was leaving a large meeting one day, and a